Trains & Tribulations Part 2

It’s early one Friday afternoon. Having taken the day off to travel south for football, myself and a friend and fellow player found ourselves standing aboard a carriage to Edinburgh. Unable to find a seat and being in a carriage with a section separated for cyclists to store their bikes safely for a journey we found ourselves standing, somewhat unfortunately, beside the toilet. Not being the nicest section to have to stand in, we spent the journey staring out the window and chatting about tactics and formations for the game ahead.

As with any journey, especially one containing individuals from the previously mentioned travelling communities, there is a constant stream of people in the direction of the toilet, often forming a queue and waiting invariably patiently.

Now, technology is a wonderful thing. Without it I would be unable to blog as I travel as I am doing now. Without it this train that I’m sitting on would also not be here nor would the bridges we cross and my journey would be a hell of a lot longer! Mobile phones, laptops, Bluetooth, wireless, plasma TV’s, our daily lives are surrounded by technological advances which we come to rely upon. When they go wrong we panic, get distressed and get angry and frustrated. All rolled into one microsecond where something we want to happen and has happened without question many times before suddenly doesn’t.

But as always we shouldn’t overlook basic human error. A distance into our journey, a small Chinese woman wanders up the carriageway, locates the button conveniently located on the side of the toilet, waits for the electronically operated door to open in its semi circular shape and unveils a toilet the size of a small room in all its glory. She enters, pushes the button to close the door and the door retraces its steps and hides the room once again.

As the carriage continues to talk, another passenger, a burly man, stomps up the carriage towards the toilet. He pushes the button. Without hesitation the door swings into action (akin to the scene in Die Hard where the baddies manage to open the vault- this gives some idea of the gravity of the situation), unveiling not only the little room but a shocked Chinese woman, caught literally with her trousers down. The man tries to utter an apology and swiftly turns, the woman caught up in a mixture of shock, surprise and embarrassment can’t decide whether the best course of action is to pull her trousers up or reach for a button to close the door. Myself and my friend, probably equally embarrassed and trying not to laugh childishly, turn once again to stare out the window and discuss tactics at a somewhat louder volume!

Eventually the Chinese lady locates the door close button and everyone in the carriage and no doubt herself breathes a sigh of relief. The carriage passengers exchange glances, part in sympathy and part in thoughtful mortification of how they would feel in a similar position. Larkin’s ramblings on Ambulances springs to mind, `Poor soul they whisper, at their own distress`.

Now just as everyone relaxes again a new terror emerges. Everyone has now been entangled in a situation that hasn’t quite been brought to an end as realisation on the outside that at some point the woman will have to exit the toilet once again, hopefully in a more appropriately dressed state, and walk the length of the carriage back to her seat. Undoubtedly this is also crossing the mind of the poor, terrified woman inside.

A good 15 minutes pass with tension mounting both inside and out. I can only imagine the woman sat their dreaming of days gone by when toilets were locked by a bolt on the inside, thinking if only she had paid more attention to the numerous buttons facing her as she had entered the toilet, and any other number of what if’s! A lucky few arrive at their stops and can make a swift exit. For the rest of us we stand or sit as once again the door swings into action. In an act of sympathy that spread throughout the carriage every passenger to a man, woman or child busied themselves with a newspaper, magazine, searched for a song on their mp3 player or just stared hard out the window, giving just enough time for the horrified woman to scuttle down the carriage and re-take her seat.

With train travel comes various problems; cancelled trains, delays and works on the line. But next time you stand on the platform looking down the line to see if your train will make it in on time, just remember, boarding the train could be just the beginning of your problems!